so, i did something semi-exciting and semi-crazy. that's very small percentages of each adjective, mind you. i went and registered chiasmus.org and got a month of hosting for it. so. watch this space for disappearance. it's more exciting to do completely frivolous things than it is to, say, read psych articles or write "thoughts" about them or try to understand supreme court cases.

i don't have much to say about today. i haven't done much at all. i didn't sleep until 3am last night and i had to sleep with the light on because, for some stupid reason, my brain was recalling "the ring" and it was stressing me out. i don't know why that movie sticks with me; it's NOT good! it was a bad movie! and while it apparently effectively scared me, that's not a good thing in this sense.

i didn't bathe until around 2pm because i'd been copying notes for my developmental psych class. finally i got around to going grocery shopping, which was rather zoo-like. the checker seemed new and was amused that i brought my own bag. they usually comment on it, but not like this. i was thinking kevin would wake up and we were going to run some errands around town, but he didn't get up until 5 and the errand he wanted to run was something he wanted to wait on.

then i thought about going to a movie, but there's nothing out right now that makes me go, "ooooh, i am highly motivated to go see that right now!" even though there are a number of things i'd like to see. i used to enjoy going to movies alone, but lately it hasn't sounded appealing. and people are busy and i don't like to call being all, "yeah, i dunno what i want to do, but you wanna do something?" and then be like, "nah, man, that doesn't sound fun, but thanks" and spend the evening sulking anyway. which is what i did.

yeah, and obviously, i didn't go to portland. don't know why, exactly. just didn't. my brother tells me it was not all that, but he is prone to negative attitudes about such things, especially when accompanied by his girlfriend as it was. i did go get some pretty tasty indian food friday night, though.

i am tired. i am not sure i can sleep, though. this weekend is a pretty big zero. oh well.

live each day to its fullest, my ass.

friday five

1. What was the first band you saw in concert?
officially, i say radiohead, in april of 1997 in salem, oregon. the running from demons tour. i was 16. it was fucking fabulous. technically, it was all-4-one at the county fair when i was 12 or something; tickets were $5 and i took my friend as a birthday present.

2. Who is your favorite artist/band now?
what a simple question for such a complex answer. the simple answer is that i don't have a favorite. i like a good many bands, which you'd know if you knew me. or if you read my bio. there are something like 10 lines of bands i love in there and i seriously doubt that exhausts my musical enjoyment.

3. What's your favorite song?
again...there is no answer. i can't even think of songs that i love on their own that much. i mean, maybe. but nothing in particular. there are an awful lot of songs that, in their transient way, sweep into my life and have an impact before leaving my consciousness.

4. If you could play any instrument, what would it be?
well. i DO kind of play guitar already. and i used to play piano, which i kind of wish i still knew how to play. but i'd have to say cello or fiddle. or guitar very well. oh, and drums. my brother is going to kill me for wanting to play the cello; silly bass snob.

5. If you could meet any musical icon (past or present), who would it be and why?
david byrne. if they made a sequel to being john malkovich, which would be wrong, i would like the portal to go to david byrne. damn. failing that, kim gordon and thurston moore. i wouldn't be able to say anything, but i think breathing in that much coolness would be an experience.

my textbook arrived yesterday morning! and then, all hell broke loose.

well, not quite.

as a fully-functioning human female, there are certain things my body just DOES...i don't TELL it to do these things, it just DOES them. for, like, a week at a time, on a regular basis. things that, if i were unable to correctly recognize them for what they are, might well make me think my body is broken, when, in fact, this thing is a sign that my body is functioning properly and not doing any funny business like, say, growing a new human.

so this thing that tells me the body is working make the rest of me work less well, for some reason. that much is normal and usually quite workable.

yesterday it wasn't.

i went to class, feeling especially crampy and bloated, hoping the feelings would subside as they often do. class dragged on and i felt decidedly worse. i found the building's restroom, but it was full of other girls. by now in a bit of a daze and not wanting to sit on a toilet for an unknown amount of time while people were in line, i walked towards the hub and headed to the restroom on the first floor of loew.

nothing happened. i felt sick and nothing was happening in the public restroom department. i felt pretty disoriented at this point and decided to see if the convenience store in the cafeteria had any midol or anything, knowing they would be busy as hell since it was lunch rush. i was half afraid the food smells were going to make me vomit and was surprised to find they didn't make things worse. i pawed through some crowds to wander the aisles of the store for any sort of medication section, finding nothing. i pawed my way out again and collapsed on the lawn outside.

i got out my phone and thought, "i should call someone. i don't know who to call. mom. mom will give advice. work! call work, say you're not coming in. kevin is sleeping but he would pick me up. who else is awake. chris! jana! josie! what would they do, though? call mom." so i called mom. i was very foggy and not speaking well. someone came to her door with a baby as we were talking. i tried to tell her what was going on, that i felt like puking but i was in public and i wasn't going to puke in public. she told me stuff to try and asked if i was pregnant. no! she told me to go somewhere and try to puke. i said ok and got off the phone.

i headed for a different bathroom and eventually did something, but it wasn't puking, so that was ok. i didn't feel any better. i slowly started walking home. i am still amazed that i walked all the way home without feeling worse, although i did stop a couple times and think, "this is a relatively private piece of something on the side of the road for puking..." i am still unsure of the etiquette of public vomiting.

when i got home, i couldn't puke, either, so i just took an advil, emailed my boss that i was sick, and got into bed. i had a thing full of hot water that rested on my lower abdomen, but it was leaky. it helped, but the leaking felt like urine, so i put it away. i slept for about half an hour and felt ten times better.

i basically wasted the rest of the afternoon and made plans with kevin to return videos around 6. in between that and going to rei for lifejackets--kevin just acquired an inflatable 2-person kayak and is very excited to try it out--i read the assigned reading for my motivation seminar. it was about terror management theory, which mostly made good sense in the article but i know some people will strongly disagree with it. i look forward to hearing what they have to say. oh, and i think the language they used is ridiculous--"terror management" refers to the fear of death that drives us to despair, requiring us to create a "social anxiety buffer" so we can fulfill our basic needs. it just sounds a bit too jargony and hyperbolic to me.

i am trying to decide if i want to go to portland with my family this weekend. it's cambodian new year and there is a big party at my brother's house. there will be a ton of good food, which is a plus, but that is a lot of work for one weekend. i don't know.

i should probably officially get up soon. i have a lot of class and work to do today. how exciting.

listening: september 67 - what's wrong with alice

i was wonderfully productive last night. i wrote about six long questions about the article i had to go photocopy, which is twice as many as i needed to. it took me until, oh, 10pm, but still! i did it and it's done! i also made dinner (again around 10, yeesh) and spooned the leftovers into the rest of my tortillas for tiny burrito lunches. hurrah for too small burritos, even if they're made with pinto and not black beans.

this morning, i awoke around 8, got up, realized i didn't have to be, nor want to be, awake just then, so i went back to sleep until 9. well, if "lying in bed and drifting in and out of consciousness" counts as sleep. after my shower, i started doing the crossword puzzle in yesterday's daily and nearly finished when i realized i was running dreadfully late. fortunately, i didn't really absolutely need to be in my first class today because it's all stuff in the book and she's not showing a film until at least tomorrow. films are worth attending; lectures are not. so i'm here, downloading openoffice, hoping i'll be able to install the damn thing before i need to run to the class where i have to be not-a-wallflower or pay the price of my teacher forever thinking i suck.

i have been having the squooshiest of happy in-love feelings lately. it makes me feel like a total dipshit, but a happy dipshit in love is better than a lonely, bitter dipshit.

also, today is sunny and i found my sunglasses in the laundry yesterday. yay! i think there may be something else that made me happy, but i can't think of it.

anyway, i have to go to class again.

there are many little things in life right now that make me go, "argh!"

one, the textbook i ordered three weeks ago for the class i ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO do the reading in or lose face and grade points hasn't come in yet. i've been assigned an article that's in the book and not the e-reserves. the article is from 1991 in a journal that isn't especially popular, so while i can connect to the journal online, the archives only go back to the mid-1990s at the earliest. the library doesn't have my textbook. my best bet is going to the third floor of suzzallo after work and hoping to find it in their archives that go back to 1976 but don't make any sense in the catalog. i get to play dumb with library staff, yay! so, i hope it's not obscenely long, cos i'm gonna have to photocopy it, then read it superfast and take notes and all that shit. i wanted to work on it for the five dumb hours i'm at work, but no! guess i can read my law textbook or do a crossword puzzle or some shit.

two, i am getting a blister on my right thumb from a burn received while cooking dinner last night. kevin and i were frying little squares of tofu. he cut them and lightly coated them with cornstarch; i tended to the hot, oily pan with a wooden spoon. once he tossed a couple cubes in in such a way that they caused oil to splash up and leave little burns on my hand.it's only a little bit and it doesn't hurt; i've been tending to it with neosporin. cooking injuries are mildly cool.

three, i got a cut on my left pointer finger, right around the underside of a knuckle, while cleaning the stove yesterday afternoon.

four, i didn't realize daylight savings time ended yesterday until 6:22, i mean, 7:22 in the evening. i didn't sleep until 1:30 this morning. i am tired now.

five, i really don't give a shit about my classes, but i am going to make an Effort because i fucked around too much last quarter, when i actually did kind of like my classes. this quarter should be "easier" since it involves reading and not actual effort, but unfortunately for me, reading requires more effort than work. it's just a notch below "all you have to do is memorize!" on my scale of Things That Don't Work For Me Like They Seem To Work For Others. textbooks and journal articles are boring and require immense amounts of concentration and time.

six, we have no idea who our fourth roommate will be, and i haven't heard back from the one friend who's potentially interested in staying the summer while graylan's in california. chris is beginning to freak, even though we have a month before it's really crunch time.

the world snapped into place for me briefly this morning when i realized the $9 in quarters kevin brought me last night will leave me only four quarters short of sufficient laundry funds for the rest of the quarter and the rest of the time i'll reside in this apartment. my next abode ought to have a washer/dryer. for some reason, this idea pleased me.

i also talked to my sister last night. she agreed to come visit me next time she's in town, which will be mid-may. i said we must gallavant. she agreed. i said i'd take her to carkeek to stand over the train. she will understand someday.

kevin and i rented movies this weekend: "murder by death," an old detective movie parody with kevin's favorite actor ever, peter sellers, and "the minus man," which features owen wilson as a serial killer and janeane garofalo as a slightly dim postal worker who crushes on him. it was interesting, if oddly serious considering the actors.