ahh, friday. it's like selling my soul every week. you begin as the worst of the bunch: work at 7:30 am, instead of at least 10:30 for class like my other weekdays, but you end with the greatest promise of them all: weekend.

of course, today will be exhausting. good, i hope, but exhausting. work, two hours of nothing, class, work, running home, hoping traffic doesn't completely suck all the way to the airport, getting kevin, home, more stuff like eating and grocery store and meeting up with mom so she can give me some stuff.

i can't tell yet what the weather is like today. i'm betting on cold and probably wet. it's seattle in october. not that i dislike it, i'm just not used to dressing for that weather, so my fashion sense is all messed up.

oh my gosh, did i just break a nail?

...yeah.

so, ok. the other day i got an estimate for repairs to the car at this shop several blocks from my house, and they want to fix it to the tune of nearly $2000. uhh... right. also, the door is dented. my mom said i should try to fix it with a toilet plunger. these guys wanted to replace that whole panel. my apartment manager let me have a different spot, at least, because that damn little suv was still parked atrociously. i now have to get other estimates... somehow, at some point... which i am not sure i have time or inclination to do. but. i did fuck up, boy howdy. i wish the other car had just hit me. i like it when things are blatantly someone else's fault, rather than just kind of being so but only to the point of annoyance and not liability.

and this, i have determined, is the real reason i don't get a car here for keeps. oh, sure, they're nice for driving to a show in redmond, then coming home and deciding to swing out to ballard for a little night time beach enjoyment, but when you can't park 'em on a saturday night and manage to totally fuck up the back left side door and really don't want to deal with fixing it, that just makes you an irresponsible little kid who shouldn't have a car.

my first assignment in newswriting is an obituary. heh.

soon it will be time to leave, and prior to that i need to figure out what i am doing for food throughout the day. i had better go do that in a moment. and brush my teeth and finish getting dressed. all those helpful things.

thursday morning, i'm off to class soon.

i did drop my psych 460 class. i like being "lazy" and having only 9cr of class. i will have 2 more for my imdb internship, and i'm thinking of doing another 499 (this time in a depression treatment study, perhaps), which would probably take up my monday/wednesday mornings before 12:30. i'd be up to a full 13 credits! and all without the joy of tons of class! in fact, no lecture classes at all this quarter. i think a change of pace is definitely in order.

jenny and i finally got around to decorating our living room last night. i had taken chris to the greenwood fred meyer and i ended up buying a strand of red globe pearl mini-lights, which are sexy. we moved stuff around (futon to the wall where it fits perfectly, near the bathroom, and everything else across the way) and strung the red lights over that, as well as hanging a couple of jenny's posters (velvet goldmine and trainspotting; it was to be an ewan macgregor shrine, but there are no photos of him actually on the wall) and three of my album covers (the clash's london calling, velvet underground's white light/white heat, and the beatles' abbey road) between that. it's quite comfy. i also fixed my purple mini-light strand with one of the replacement red bulbs and hung that over the corner window area. jenny says we now need a blue strand for over the garden window and the table. so many lights, so little time.

also funny was jenny's comment on her vines poster: "see? they're supposed to be there... but they're not. it's mind-blowing."

after class, i must clean obsessively and do laundry. hurrah. kevin is coming tomorrow! yay for kevin!

surely i have more to say and do, but i should go to class now and not write about them.

listening: wilco - kamera

also, how cool is this: some weirdo searched for "EVIL WOMEN WITH KNIVES" and hit my page. hahaha. hahah. oh. hah.

in other news, my brother, the 15-year-old nutjob, was asked on a DATE. by a GIRL. who was NOT JOKING. who calls cheerleaders "aryan." that is the coolest thing, EVER. you know i love you, paul.

i could tell before he announced it at the end of class.

watching my newswriting prof, i could tell that he was undergoing chemo. he looked the same as my dad, except my dad was only 52 and this guy is older than that. he had a little pillow to sit on, too. he had that shiny, shaky baldness unique to cancer patients. it was a bizarre visage, made even moreso when he announced that he might be out sometimes due to chemo and its unpleasant side effects. he explained what chemo did, and people laughed, but i glazed over because i already knew.

after class, i went up to him and babbled something about my dad just dying of cancer, and that i could tell, and he asked what kind. i said, "prostate," and he said he was sorry. i don't really know why i said anything; it's not like i had anything to add. but it just seemed like i had to say something, because i could freaking TELL.

the class looks really good otherwise. so do the other two, although i'm thinking of dropping cognitive neuropsych because it's intimidatingly content-intensive (the other two are pretty work-intensive--the most hands-on experience i've expected so far in college) and i am the only junior among a small sea of seniors, grad students, and post-baccs all looking to "increase the breadth of [their] study." yeesh. "umm... it sounded interesting. but hard. but i thought i would be up to the challenge?" also, the prof has that dumb hippie/academic mullet that went out with the 80s.

dropping it would leave me with 9 credits (plus a 6-hour internship, which is about two credits, plus work), but i think i might need it, anyway. low-intensity quarter with lots of hands-on learning == good for person under stress! right? maybe? hmm. considering it. i will go to class tomorrow and see how it goes, then decide, i think. i don't really need it. i can take another 400-level later. rationalize, rationalize... then drop before i get the tuition hit.

let's see, what else. i need to take the car in, but i want someone to go with me, and no one seems to be around yet. i am tired as fuck, of course, as usual. das experiment was fucked the fuck up. ummm.. i have things to do tonight... and homework... and umm... hrm. i am tired and i really don't want to do anything at all, but i must. darn.

oh, yesterday. yesterday was such grand fun until it suddenly wasn't anymore and i plunged head first into some murky, grouchy mood that i can't really explain or seem to find my way out of.

so i went to the farmer's market yesterday after doing some other stuff and jenny coming home. i had left my hair on the shower wall because i thought jenny wouldn't be home until sunday, but then i thought she probably might come home today. (jenny coming home yesterday was one of the first things that made me feel mildly clairvoyant lately, but i will get to that later.) it was so inspiring--all the fall colors displayed in tomatoes, potatoes, squash, apples, berries, peppers... i bought some onions, bell peppers, and tomatoes for lindsay's party (to make kabobs) and some lovely 4/$1 jalapenos and crazy sweet apples from yakima (they're a mix of golden delicious and fuji--i love fuji--and, according to the lady, "very popular in japan!") for myself. then i came home, made myself a little pot of coffee, and watched extras on my donnie darko dvd. i still haven't watched the movie since buying it, either.

around 2:15, christine and jesse showed up, quickly followed by chris. we hung out awhile, then got in the car and drove to lindsay's. lindsay wasn't there yet, so we hung out awhile and waited for them to return.when they did, we began the mad preparations. more people started arriving, and eventually chris and i sicced ourselves on the veggie kabobs. we chopped whatever wasn't already chopped, then arraged them on skewers. everyone applauded our artistry, but it's hard to go wrong with pretty fresh produce.

the rest of the afternoon/evening was spent with old friends, new friends, food, and mosquitoes on the porch. we invited a couple of guys who were already friends with reid, anna, and lindsay to show up at the harem gathering next week. we also played scrabble. and ate, oh, how we ate. mm, food. it was quite fun.

around 9:30, we left for the u-district and josie's party. jesse and chris were kind of looking forward to the fun of a big house party, saying they hadn't been to one in awhile. the girls were somewhat less enthused, but going along for the ride. of course, i got there and immediately realized i was really not in the mood or the anything for this (drinking party with lots of strangers! yay!) and was grateful when christine wanted to leave after only a short while so i wouldn't look totally lame. i was already lame enough for not nursing some fruity alcoholic concoction from the crowded makeshift bar room. i don't wanna drink again and i was driving, anyway. so christine walked me to the car (parked behind chris's building a few blocks away) and i drove home.

and there was someone parked in the spot next to mine. on the edge.

and the driver's side of my spot is flanked by this big concrete piling.

something had to give. apparently, it was the coat of paint on my driver's side. i managed to clear the mirror, but i couldn't straighten out enough to get out without damaging the fucking paint job.

mom's mandate is that i get an estimate for its repair, which, at least i have found a place nearby, but i don't really have the ability to do it until tuesday. fair enough, i hope. the scratch isn't going anywhere.

but fuck.

so suddenly, i was in a very, very shitty mood. i spent a bunch of time with candles and music and being grouchy to kevin on aim (or just saying how grouchy i was and elaborating--phear my conversational skills!) and eventually retired to the living room with high fidelity and fell asleep sometime before the great killing-ian-with-the-a/c-unit scene, because that's when i woke up and decided to go to my real bed.

of course, once i got back to my room, i had to turn on the computer monitor. and chris wanted to tell me of his party adventures because he claims he "embarrassed" himself in front of my friends (hey, his friends too, now) when in fact it sounds like he actually made out pretty well, all things considered. so typing woke me up, but i was still grouchy as fuck. i tried to go to bed and couldn't really sleep. i heard jenny come home at some point and thought, "there will be someone crashing on the futon," but ignored the urge to investigate because i'm sure jenny will be hyper-apologetic and say stuff like, "is that ok???" tomorrow anyway, and really, you can hear the extra question marks in her intonation, and i really don't give a shit, and i was in a bad mood anyway, so what am i babbling about now?

oh yeah, i couldn't sleep, then i woke up and thought, "it's fucking 8am, and i fucking know it" and it was. (gasp.) then i heard a beep, and i thought, "that's my mother, replying to my email about the fucking car. now i have to get up so i can read it." and it was. and then left my room to use the bathroom, and sure enough, someone was asleep on the couch. i wonder if i'm bothering him with my endless typing. hmm, too bad if i am! i wake up too fucking early for me, so everyone else has to deal with it if it bothers them, too. anyway.

bitchy bitchy bitchy. bleh.

and now there is that fucking horrible old accord out there that sounds like such ass when it starts up! every time! screeeeeeeeeeehhkehhehlheklhjeejach.

jesus. i need some Alone Time today. i should drive to golden gardens again with a notebook and just sit and watch waves or something. that might be healthy.

i kinda wish i had asked christine to hang out more after we left, but i didn't realize that i wanted to until i got home and things were fucked. she probably would've helped me with that, anyway. i wanted a lot of things last night that i couldn't have or do.

i guess that is often true.