i... haven't been here in awhile, have i?

i'd like to stay, but... you know. i'm a little busy these days.

next week is the last week of classes. i am to be completely finished with everything by friday. after work, i am probably getting to olympia somehow, then high-taling it to portland with my mom for a little mom-daughter portland-time. i'll get to see my older brother and niece, probably eat good food (breaking the vegetarianism since it comes from an asian kitchen, yum!) and go to powell's and maybe hit some thrift stores and generally have a happy fun time with mommy. this is good, because we haven't had time alone in umm. wow. a really fucking long time! and i like my mom a lot, so. that will be good.

i don't have anything during finals week besides work. i might cover for some people if no one else is willing cos i'm nice and i'm not working spring break, so money is handy.

last night kevin came over and i made hot and sour soup. it was pretty tasty. then we watched the season premiere of "six feet under," which jana taped for me. it was not as good as i remember episodes being in the past, and it bored kevin, who has never watched the show. he was also asleep by 9pm. his sleep schedule is wacky.

i didn't sleep well last night for some reason. i had a hell of a time getting to sleep and staying asleep, and consequently i am loathe to get to work now. well, i have about 12 minutes before i really need to leave. still.

my entertaining coworker is probably going to talk about random things, and i should be working on one of the following instead of talking: profile rewrite, court rewrite (if my prof's comments come in), lyrics project paper, lyrics project presentation materials, u district project, response paper to the dialectic in journalism. gee, is that all? that is a lot of writing, believe me. the draft of the udist project is due monday by noon and i haven't even started. i am so screwed.

oh. yeah. and preparing to take the stupid final exam in my stupidonlineclass. that's on saturday afternoon. hur-fucking-rah.

saturday evening is josie's 21st birthday party. she doesn't turn 21 until monday, but saturday is the party. obviously, not bar-hopping. there are also at least two shows i'd love to see that night, but i'm not having any of that. alas. birthday party. for very good friend. no contest.

it has been extremely cold here, and today it's wet. wetness tends to temper the chill, but it might not right now. it's been very windy. i like most weather except wind. wind sucks completely. i'm sure it serves a truly worthy purpose in the grand scheme of things, but i don't care. it sucks. it messes up my hair and it's cold and it makes things move in ways that are annoying.

also, i just listened to three patsy cline songs in a row. no idea why.

i am tired and despite having just had breakfast, i am starving. bad news.

off to try not to be completely unproductive today.

it's no fun, it's no fun
reading fortune cookies to yourself

been in a luna mood the past couple days. after friday rocked pretty well (show + boyfriend), saturday was frustratingly long. it felt horrendously unproductive despite the amount of work i did on my profile story and my lyrics project. by 8pm, i was going stir crazy, but it was too late. no one wanted to get food and i had absolutely no reason to leave the house. there was nothing on tv. i was tired. i was tired all night and didn't sleep enough because by 10 or so i decided i was in a lot of pain and wanted to sleep, but couldn't seem to. i just felt miserable. i finally went to bed to read margaret cho's "i'm the one that i want" because jenny left it on my chair to distract me from work this weekend. i read for about an hour, turned out the light, and tried to sleep. but no. i got choked up and stuffy and cried.

i'm not totally certain why. some things are good and some things are bad, but i do feel so alone sometimes. specifically when i'm alone, actually, but often enough at other times. the death of my father is still hitting me (wouldn't it hit you?), most especially right now for a few reasons... friday was my parents' wedding anniversary. i talked to my mom a couple times and she told me how she'd planned to hide that day, and every time she said it, i'd forget at first why. death cab also played the song "styrofoam plates," and this is king of a stretch of a connection. the song discusses his dead deadbeat father. the crowd went very cheer-crazy (and of course all the high school kids knew ever word) for this song, but i had to remain silent. it's a great song, i just find it tricky to relate. dead father? check. deep-seated anger and bitterness toward him? none. none at all. i can't explain it; i just feel very mixed. but it did seem weird how this very angry song is the one that got the loudest cheers. maybe everyone else hates their father.

anyway, i didn't manage to sleep until nearly 2, i felt like shit in every way, and today hasn't been tons better, but i did leave the house and get some non-schoolwork crap done. i did a load of laundry; now i'm out of quarters. i went to trader joe's and had a conversation with the devil, er, i mean the guy restocking the candy shelf, in which he convinced me to buy peanut butter cups which are so, so good and evil. i sent off the first draft of my profile story to my prof and i have been half-assedly working on the stupid paper that's suppoed to be in response to a book my prof wrote that i am not reading. ha, ha.

actually, i spent much of my afternoon watching "dead men don't dance" on upn. i have no idea why. it was terrible. "platoon" came on afterwards, but i wasn't touching that on upn. in good tv news, jana has agreed to tape "six feet under" for me since she gets hbo and i don't. yay! 6fu love!

listening: george thorogood - one bourbon, one scotch, one beer