i am sleeeeeepypanda. the roommate is still having a party, but my friends left awhile ago. we were all kinda tired and oversugared. i managed to spill coffee on myself TWICE this evening, which was totally brilliant and not all my fault, except for the whole having coffee in the first place mistake. silly me, i thought i could hold a beverage and not fuck up like everyone else, most of whom were drinking alcohol as well. anyway, that was a little annoying.

after i changed my shirt the second time (and finished the cup of coffee), i announced that if i spilled coffee on myself again, i would just go around topless. josie immediately requested a cup of coffee. i asked her if she was planning to drink it and she said no, she wanted to test my theory. needless to say, i denied her the cup.

my grouchiness and sleeplessness have failed to improve significantly today. i woke up at 8:30 after going to bed at 1 and didn't really get up and about until 11ish. i made some spaghetti for lunch and shared with jenny, who was taking a practice gre in the afternoon, then met jana after 12:30 at second time around to get schooled in the ways of jazz records. she showed me some stuff, and i ended up buying some miles davis, john coltrane, dave brubeck, and billie holiday just to start me out. the guy who always works there was cool and complimented the choices and suggested some others to check out, but i totally forget what he said and hope jana might remember. alternatively, since he is there all the time, i could ask later if i am interested, i guess. heh.

then we met amanda and went to the tail end of the farmer's market, where we were also scheduled to run into josie. we did, eventually, after they bought some apples from the good place i lovelovelove and i bought some anaheim chiles and onions from another booth. then they ran off to see a movie or something and i went to safeway, then home.

i spent my afternoon cleaning the apartment, making bean soup, and watching donnie darko with the director/star commentary track on, which was amusing and somewhat illuminating. then i decided to give into the teriyaki urge from last night i had to squelch and made chris meet me at tokyo garden. of course, i hurried like hell cos i was starving and i walk kinda fast, so i had my food and was halfway through it by the time he showed up. he wasn't feeling well, so all he had was a veggie stir fry with a sesame ginger-type sauce and rice with 7up. food good. i love teriyaki sometimes. especially that cabbage salad. i dunno what it is with the cabbage salad, but it is love.

side note: i would love a back massage right now. so much.

anyway, hosting parties always makes me a bit nervous when i don't know every soul in attendance, because i am not really sure what i'm supposed to do. i try to prepare things a bit--i got paper cups and paper plates and things as well as baking the cake and cleaning the house--and hoped it'd be comfortable in there, or something. my friends always make life easier because then i don't feel put on the spot in terms of the people i don't know, so it was ok.

but now i am just really fucking tired.

last night christine was over and we talked while i baked the cake. jenny came home and we all hung out and watched the cake, then we drove to gasworks to enjoy the view for awhile. i was in pajamas and dirty socks. it was wonderful. jenny and i got in a serious round of girl talk before bed. hehe.

i think alex is on his way up, if he's not here already and i just haven't noticed since i'm not in the living room. i would think he'd buzz, though, and i would hear that. i fucking hate the buzzer...

listening: quasi - california

before i continue, i would just like to provide a link to a journal featured on damn hell ass kings that is fascinating me today: the grub report. it is written by a student at a culinary school in massachusetts. i can't stop reading about all this stuff. it's so cool. i wouldn't want to go to culinary school, but i love cooking, and it's fascinating to read this. how many ways can i say fascinating before repeating myself again? good read.

anyway. we had a fire alarm at work today. that was exciting. headphones guy--this dude who comes in the lab and asks fool questions of desk staff about random computer things, like, "should i buy this broken video card that i don't know how to fix off ebay?"--asked me how long we were going to be outside. duh, it's a fire alarm. i haven't a fucking clue, jackass.

i am a total grouch today. i can only be cordial to some people because they amuse me. my boss, for example, has this magical power because he was complaining of the things he suddenly has to do, like writing to explain to the student tech fee committee what he did with money in the past so they will give him more money in the future. you know, money so he can do more work. it's a vicious cycle. we decided the beer-and-skittles budget is far too low, and that it's unfortunate that "slaving" would not be a well-received verb in describing where the funds went. i just have the phrase "beer-and-skittles" stuck in my head now. beer and skittles! beer and skittles! it flows like orange juice, as aja would say.

speaking of orange juice, i think i have a pitcher of it in my fridge that's getting very dead. it's separated out, and i think it's been there at least a month. probably longer. ew. i should clean it out. of the other drinkables in my fridge, the lemonade is probably nearly dead, and my half-gallon of milk has a fucking leak. every time i take it out, it drips on the floor. i have it sitting in a piece of tupperware that has collected a good centimeter of milk now. gross. if i cleaned out the lemonade, i could put it in that pitcher, but i am far too lazy. i'm almost done with the container, anyway. i know they say there is no use crying over spilt milk, but i'd say crying over stepping in a small puddle of it with stocking feet is worthy enough.

i have also purchased ingredients to bake jenny a birthday cake for saturday night. i have a recipe for orange chocolate marble cake that i'm going to try. i bought cake flour and everything, so the cake itself will be from scratch, but i bought a tub of frosting. i hate making frosting, and it never turns out to my liking. i think i'll mix some orange juice in with the pre-made frosting, though, just to liven it up a bit. (i bought a little carton of oj, not my dead stuff.) i am also thinking of making little chocolate letters to put on top since i didn't buy colored decorating frosting. it will be faaaaancy. i hope it turns out.

oh yeah. need to buy ice cream. i wonder if jenny wants to buy that herself, or me. hmm. if i ever see her before saturday night, i suspect this will be something to ask. i have seen her all of ten minutes since wednesday.

i am, seriously, grouchy as hell these days. no idea why. angry at the worrrrrrrld. or not, really, just grouchy. like oscar the grouch. it STINKS.

so last night i saw the ring for free, and i totally hated it. i was going to write this big entry about why i hated it, because despite it being rather shitty, objectively, i still couldn't quite justify (at least to josie, who got up in my face about it) why. i mean, i like bad horror movies, which is pretty much the only kind of horror movie there is, but there are bad bad and good bad, and this was bad bad, and it took me a grouch session and a nice, lonely walk home to think about why. i will try to write about it later.

i'm not even going to say whether you should see the movie or not, because it was a crappy horror movie, and you might as well see it if you're into that sort of thing; if not, you won't. also, it's set in washington, and there is a lot of fakey crap surrounding that. chris was playing "spot what's filmed in vancouver" the whole time and we both kind of choked over the badness of the dialogue and regionalisms. quote: "i like how everyone who lives on an island has a northeastern accent."

now i am awake, only thanks to the goodness known as coffee, which tears at my stomach lining daily in exchange for wakefulness, although i woke up thinking i should go back to sleep.

so the one good thing i have to say about the movie was that it was, visually, music-video-stylized and scary--not unlike a tool video--and i have had some of those images haunting me since i tried to go to sleep. rats. between the kid telling his mom, "you HELPED her?" and the guy electrocuting in a bathtub, ugh. some things i don't really need floating around my head. i hated this movie. so much.

listening: tom waits - dave the butcher

two things:

one, let the record show i woke up around 7:30. fuck melatonin.

two, uhhh... i just forgot what two is. i got sloan's "autobiography" stuck in my head and there is a weird noise coming from jenny's room and it's now gone. um.

i am showing signs of depression. not all of them, but enough to make me tired. i've got the sleeplessness and the not-wanting-to-do-shittiness and ummm. i don't remember now, either. well, sometimes those feelings of depression, you know, that are important. anyway, i think it's just stress, and not a major episode, i just feel like crap. how joyful!

now, what the fuck was that second item. i still have no idea...

cramps are bad. being a local is fun. josie makes good food. chris and i are annoying to hang out with because we just banter back and forth with each other about idiosyncratic things that no one else cares about at all. coffee makes me impressively jittery for hours and hours. i laughed a lot today.

i have very little to contribute to the world of words presently. i'm tired and i should sleep relatively soon, probably with the aid of melatonin. wonder if i'll sleep in past 7:30 if i don't go to bed at 10:30? heh. sure would be nice, lemme tell ya.

listening: jason webley - quite contrary

not functional. only able to do what is necessary and no more. dead, so dead.

but i made good mashed potatoes with garlic and broccoli tonight at the harem, mm mm. and two episodes of gilmore girls! huzzah.

so dead.

:(

i'm not fond of this pre-menstrual worn-out-for-no-reason feeling. i don't like it one bit. i took a melatonin last night and went to bed around 11. i feel like i woke up after a decent amount of sleep (around 7:30) and perhaps i'll be functional today.

i am busy all the time now. it kind of makes me nuts. i need to do laundry eventually, maybe tomorrow before class. i mean, busy is good and doing things with friends and leearning is good and all, but yeesh. i dunno. it gets to be a lot sometimes. i'm just not used to it.

yesterday i was just so dead. i don't know why, exactly. i woke up kinda-too-early and watched the big sleep, then went to class around noon. i was brain dead in class and i'm sure the fellow members of my replication study group think i'm totally useless and out of it. the instructor of that class thinks i complain a lot, too, and i think she takes it personally, although my complaints have been about the other people in class. she's fine. anyway, then i collapsed on the sunny lawn outside physics and ate an apple and a clif bar before work. i took an advil. i went to work. i was brain dead at work and did my assignment and failed to do a good job answering questions. ah well. i can't be right on all the time.

i need to make bean soup, use my vegetables, and bake jenny a cake. she'll be 20 tomorrow. yay jenny!

kevin should be here around the end of the month or the beginning of next. things are coming together in that respect. exciting. :)

ok, i need to write more because i can't have my "listening: ..." be "kung-fu fighting." ...alternately, i could hit the skip button.

i don't really have a lot to say. i'm tired. i need a shower and some food. i should probably not assault myself with two cups of coffee today. that probably isn't helping things, no. but coffee is so good. or i am such an addict, i can't tell which. this is why i don't use any other substances! i am a junkie! yeesh.

my weekend was kind of disappointing. of the four things i was planning to do, i did one of them (the wedding). i didn't go to the show at the paradox, i didn't go to a meeting, and i didn't go see bowling for columbine sunday night. chris and i drove up to the theater, couldn't find parking, decided we were both too grouchy to deal with it and, hey, fuck it, the movie's out in a week, so we went home. even so, it was a little depressing. i brought the tv and dvd player into my room and watching the third man.

all those movies by boss lent me? very kick ass.

shuffffffle.

listening: dead kennedys - insight