some people write from the heart. some write from the soul. others write with their gut, while still others write with their funnybone. some people write out of their ass; others, out of life experience. still some other strange souls write with their imaginary genitals (see slash fiction).
i just thought to write that last night as i was trying to fall asleep. i think my point was i don't know wherefrom i write, and perhaps this is part of my problem.
i have been avoiding enumerating the things that presently contribute to a feeling of malaise. my journal entries recently have caused some people to worry about me. i think i'm fine, it's just when i sit down and think about all the things that would rightfully depress the shit out of me, i feel fucking depressed. so, since it's 7 in the fucking morning and i'm awake and at work (instead of asleep and forgetting my dreams... oops, too late, i vaguely recall one with a definite "shit, i'm late for class" theme), i'd rather not also be depressed. while depression can be exhilerating (*snort*), i'd rather not have that set the tone of my monday. mondays suck enough without being depressed.
i haven't had a good dream for a long time. i guess that does say something.
yesterday i went thrifting with jenny. we took the bus to goodwill to look for pillows for our living room, since we have no couch and won't get my sister's futon until late august. we spent a couple hours there, just looking through all the clothes. usually i shop for... other shit there, like kitchen crap, books, and records, but i only entered that room once to look for larger pillows (and found one oddly-shaped roll pillow in an obtuse angle and a gorgeous cherry red corduroy seat pillow). we got a couple other pillows, too... this one taupe throw pillow made of really soft material that jenny loved and a big, semi-firm square pillow with a weird kinda-80s red and black pattern. we like our pillows. we also grabbed another square pillow with a dorky farmscape cover print, but while jenny was looking at shoes, she neglected the cart and someone took it. wtf. it's an ugly, kountry krap throw pillow. we were gonna buy fabric and cover the ugly duckling, but damn.
i also got a couple items of clothing. i don't know why, but i started looking at skirts, and i found this just-past-knee-length straight skirt that fit me perfectly for $4. oh, yes, and it's red plaid. kinda punk-looking, but uh, if my mom knew i bought a plaid skirt for fun, she'd laugh. so hard. (pertinent information: i attended catholic schools for eight years in a former life and wore an ugly plaid uniform pleated skirt daily. i have no idea why anyone would wear these things of their own free will, and i have no idea why they are considered sexy. they're heavy and ugly and stupid and are worn by nasty little girls who eat cafeteria lunches of applesauce and english muffin "pizzas." granted, i didn't go to school with anyone who looked remotely like liv tyler or alicia silverstone, so what do i know?) anyway, yeah, i bought a plaid skirt, and a couple t-shirts (one is very faded red, to the point of pinkness, and it says "for official use only," and the other is a blue shirt that says "mighty mouse" with a picture of a cute little mouse in the middle, not the real mighty mouse), and a belt. too many pairs of pants keep falling down when i try to do anything more strenuous than walk in them, and it's annoying.
carrying that many large pillows back on the bus was, needless to say, awkward, especially since we were on the bus for about an hour. we sat toward the front and took up three spaces (for two people) as people got on and got off through the international district, downtown, broadway, and finally the u-district. after we got the mass of pillows home, jenny took me to her favorite chinese restaurant on the ave, and she knows her chinese food. she spoke to the cashier in mandarin (later she told me the woman "must be new" because she wasn't as nice as the usual guys and she didn't know her at all), and when she brought us our bag of takeout, she spoke in cantonese. weird.
oh yeah, jenny made me try on the plaid skirt and the mighty mouse shirt and encouraged me to leave the house that way because i looked "adorable." mind you, the skirt does not cover all my legs, and i don't shave. so. while most people are not big enough assholes to comment or even really look, there *were* a few guys in a group of idiot adolescent males walking several paces behind us who deemed it appropriate to comment on my hairy legs and speculate about my sexual orientation. i was amused, but, of course, didn't respond, since they didn't directly address me. i don't think i would have said anything even if they did, because there is no reason to dignify that with an answer. i wish i weren't so self-conscious about showing the hairylegs, because it pisses me off that i am, and i honestly wouldn't mind wearing skirts like that more often. not to work/class, but they are fun sometimes. and oh, how they go with the boots. mm. i love my boots and i love them even more when i can wear something that looks cool with them.
it's raining here lately. it's definitely more pleasant than the sun. i told that to some people on the bus home yesterday, and they laughed and said i sure did live in the right place.
and yes, that is all i presently have to contribute to the world of online journaling.
