wow, blogger looks so much nicer on a non-shitty computer.. and loads remarkably fast on this beautiful campus ethernet! god bless seattle and god bless college. (i do mean those "god blesses" in the colloquial sense; i'm agnostic and wouldn't dare invoke a deity i'm not sure exists. that would be imprudent, wouldn't it?)

so i'm all moved in, for the most part. i need some hangers for my sweaters--they look so sad in that lump on the floor in front of my closet--and i might need to bring up the pillows and cushions from last year's famous under-bed happyland. this room is great for spreading out, and once we got the kitchen cleaned up, it, too, looked lovely, in addition to being a kitchen and therefore amazingly nice to have. the living room needs some work and rearranging before it's truly livable, and, arguably, a cable to make jana's nintendo--oldschool nintendo console, yes--work properly.

having five roommates should work out ok. they're all nice people, and we get along well enough.

i went grocery shopping this afternoon before my job interview and nearly killed myself. i had so many bags and it was so heavy. i can't emphasize this enough. it sucked. and the shoes i wore in the morning to go find out my interview was yet again rescheduled gave me nasty blisters and i wore a skirt so my thighs were all rubbing together and uf. i need a goddamned massage, but i'm greedy, so i don't want to impose. i made vegetable soup that was more or less universally praised, thank you mom. soup is good food. ("...we don't need you anymore...")

uhh.. hi. sorry. dead kennedys tangential.

i think my double bed will fit in here. that would be vastly superior to this crappy mattress and this low-down little frame. i could try to collapse the existing frame and stow it and the mattress under the bed--for guests, right--and have another simple hollywood frame for the double. that would work, wouldn't it? and then i'd have a good bed and i would sleep better and i would be happy. and stuff.

i need to make a safeway run at some point. i don't like trader joe's cereals for some reason, and i need frozen boneless skinless chicken breast and light ice cream. (hmm, breyer's mint chocolate chip or anything dreyer's.. mmm.. please let there be a sale.) and i am down to one solitary piece of trident freshmint gum! nooo!

yes, these are the things i am concerned about, despite "in the light of the tragic events" and all that. i guess that makes me shallow. or balanced enough to fucking deal. or naive. i dunno which. and to be honest, i don't care.

so i'm moving at 6 or so. kk, i think, is stuck working tonight, otherwise he could drive up and help; he could possibly even take over for mom, who is feeling rather ill today. my dad shouldn't come, either, because today was a chemo day and that has the nasty tendency to wipe him out. what do you expect, it's fucking chemotherapy to treat an aggressive cancer. anyway.

my aunt arranged to meet us there and help haul things up those icky stairs. i have some heavy boxes and a lot of shit, as mentioned in an earlier entry, but we managed to squeeze it all in the minivan (a '99 honda odyssey), and with kk's help, we even managed to put in a third seat without losing any of the stuff. that way we can take one car, my dad can stay home, and my sister can help with those big strong arms of hers. she'd much rather stay home and be lazy or even go ice skating with k-b, but too bad. i said come! so she is.

someone is going to look at our house in a few minutes, despite my mom's protest to the realtor that we are packing me to go and the house will be kinda messy and, uh, we'll BE here at five when they want to see it. the realtor assured us this is not a problem, but i think it is. oh well. i'll try not to type any vulgarities whilst they inspect this room, my old bedroom.

selling a house while you're still living in it sucks ass. you have to be extra-neat around a mother who's already somewhat neurotic about neatness and orderliness of your bedroom--though she did give up on making us make our beds without a special reason years ago--and on top of that, you can't treat things normally. for example, when you leave the house, everything must be in order, just in case someone calls during the day. the toilet seats and lids are always down, dishes are never in the sink, and you must be ohsocareful not to make marks of dings on anything. like the sink. this is a difficult task when you're trying to wash a large pot that has had something stewing in it for hours before and has a lot of stuff stuck on the bottom and sides. getting yelled at when you're doing the fucking dishes already is like, jesus, what more do you want of me?

not to make my mom out to be a lunatic or anything, she's just a little neurotic when it comes to cleanliness and selling this house. most of the time, she's a perfectly laid-back, crazy middle-aged lady. we have conversations often wherein we just look at each other and go, we're insane. and that's *love,* y'all.

we's gotta go. stupid people wanting to buy a house. crazy.

while packing for my move to seattle tomorrow, i realized that i have a lot of stuff. i mean, a lot. i don't even know what the fuck i'm doing with all this stuff. i think a lot of it is kitchen appliances and dry goods, maybe, but still, god-DAMN is it a lot of stuff! i have huge boxes full of shit already and i think the car is full. that's not even counting my clothing or computer or desk chair. goddamn. i'm a packrat. there are books and blankets and trinkets and papers and supplies and kitchen stuff and games and god only knows what else in there. seriously, i have no idea. my roommates will think i'm insane. uh, well, chris and josie already know that very well, but yeah. insane. why am i bringing all this stuff?

on top of that, i'm exhausted. my mom is sick, i think my dad is getting sick, and i hope to god i don't come down with it because tomorrow is fucking moving day and i have to haul said boxes of heavy stuff (note: books are heavier than kitchen items, fuck) up two flights of stairs in addition to packing the van all by myself. well, i'll have help with the stairs. fuck.

mike is strong. he should magically teleport up here to help me move stuff. at the very least, my sister should help. she's strangely built, like a football player but female. broad shoulders. fuck, anyone who considers themselves "strong" in any sense of the word, emotionally, physically, or whatever, should teleport their asses to seattle--specifically northeast brooklyn and 40th or thereabouts--and help me. i will repay in some fashion to be determined later.

i hope i get a good night's sleep tonight. i never sleep enough anymore, it seems. i never feel well-rested, even though i have fuck all to do and could sleep all day if needed. i need to not suck at my job interview on friday. i need to do laundry and pack. kk needs my attention. i just remembered the premiere of enterprise is tonight! shit, what time!

soon i'll have an apartment in seattle with five other crazy girls. i'll have my own bedroom and access to a kitchen. i'll plant an indoor herb garden with basil, thai basil, italian flat-leaf parsley, and cilantro. i'll go to class and get a job and go to concerts and movies. maybe i'll be asked out on a proper date instead of this silly internet stuff i've always done, not there's anything wrong with that. maybe i don't care. there is more fun to be had and i wish to have at least some of it. but first...to pack.

things that suck right now (to be added to as needed in the future)

• john ashcroft and the idea that computer assaults could be taken more seriously by the law than actual physical assaults.
  
• bombing the fuck out of random middle eastern countries in hopes of killing one crazy fuck they think organized wtc terrorism.
  
• fear.
  
• violence against arab-looking peoples in america.
  
• fattening foods.
  
• being tired.
  
• money.
  
• jobs, recession, plummeting stock values.
  
• all this anger and nowhere to put it.
  
• being far away from cool people or too unemotional about those who are near.
  
• the internet.
  
• being unable to do shit about all of the above.
  
• YOUR MOM.
  

i'm fucking sleepy, god dammit. i woke up too early for no real reason and have very little to do today. i think kk and i are going to see jay and silent bob strike back because he hasn't seen it and i wouldn't hate to see it again, besides, today the cinema is donating money to relief efforts in some fashion in direct proportion to theater proceeds for the day.

my sister is playing warcraft 2 for some reason now. i don't game, but it's odd. the voice on this game sounds like goddamned cookie monster. C IS FOR COOKIE, THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME! YOU'RE THE CAPTAIN! i will never understand video games...

speaking of games, kk tried to get under a killing moon, my only favorite computer game from when i was 13, working on oberonclid, but for some reason, the cd-rom doesn't work under dos or some shit and since i don't have a working floppy OR a bootable windows cd, he can't make it work. so i don't get to game or even see if i'd still like that game. oh well, not like i need a whole lot more time wasting strategies.

i am sad and tired and then i find out from gabe on #n00n that somethingawful.com shut down. this makes me EVEN SADDER, because if you have ever been to something awful, you know it is not awful at all, but rather great and grand and makes the internet worthwhile sometimes. so now no one is online and the good sites shut down and things get slow and shitty and life sucks. i hate the internet.

move-in day at school is thursday, but i could move in tomorrow. i don't think i will, though. too much time and effort and i am not yet finished packing. and my job interview at the experimental college was delayed YET AGAIN to friday, when i'm actually in town! yay! they better give me that job! :P

in other news, i really need a new vibrator. i am sad. who needs drugs when you have personal electronics?

say what you will about cat stevens now (or, rather, the name he took when he converted to islam; at least his name change made more sense than prince's stupid symbol), i really enjoy the music he made back when he made pop music. besides, he practically comprised the soundtrack of one of my most favorite movies ever, harold and maude. and so well, too. mm.

anyway. something has come into focus where things often do come into focus for me, that is, the shower. and the thing is that i am confused about things because circumstances have made it imprudent for me to enjoy myself just as i was beginning to do so. i was just getting the hang of the traveling thing when this whole wtc thing happened and made extensive travel seem like more of a hassle than it's worth--not that i'm scared to fly, it just seems like i should only do so if i have a really good reason now, considering all the supposed new security measures the airports are taking. i was learning to enjoy being single and independent and growing up and, well, sex when some stuff came up that complicated that beyond the preferred form of contraception debate. on one level, anyway. on another, it's confused me about what it means to be friends with someone, anyone...

there's a "m*a*s*h" marathon today, which means my brother is glued to the television. he's special that way. i need to brush my teeth, take some pseudo-sudafed, maybe have some lunch, and maybe go shopping with my mom and the chinese kids. that would be fun. whee.

god, i feel like a terrible person sometimes.