i am not alone, but i can always close the door...

just sitting here on a fairly boring saturday night, my only totally free day of the long weekend, listening to ben folds five ("i'm not tired...") and musing over life and such. y'know, typical.

my roommates are nutcases, and i love them for it. anna and josie (and josie's friend marta) went downstairs to the boys' cocktail party, which is really a classy name for an event at which the main objective is to wear fancy clothes and drink alcohol. we were all invited after the *nsync movie/ditching incident wednesday night, tantalized with visions of champagne and dressing up. i declined to go since my interests do not include drinking nor dressing up, but i'll be damned if the girls and boys don't look purty tonight. jana and chris are in the living room, singing and humming along (in harmony) to paul simon albums, which they have quite apparently memorized, and playing mario 3, which they have also memorized. i went out there and we talked about sex. i always feel like i'm fumbling over sex things, i never know quite what to do; it's fun, but i get prematurely complacent or something. miss the point. i don't know. fuck it.

my lasagna turned out quite well. i was pleasantly surprised at the number of people who tried to tofu version and noted that they could not, in fact, taste the tofu, so it was good. i think if i make it again, though, i will make a few modifications, such as giving it a better sauce and maybe somehow making the cheese creamier and/or saltier to emphasize the flavors better. if that makes any sense. i must experiment! but not often, because this is kind of pricey stuff to make. it cost me around $20 for all the ingredients to serve maybe 8. jana chipped in an order of garlic bread and salads from jet city, which came after everyone had mostly finished their lasagna, but were delicious anyway.

i really like doing weird things with food, especially when they bother to turn out well.

this goddamned ben folds five album is living my life for me right now.

in the words of andrew, i'm tired of suffering for my art, it's your turn. since i've de-irked, i feel kind of like a junkie going off the stuff--out of the loop and twitchy. c'mon and email me. you know you love me.

last night, we played a silly game in a group--there were seven of us, i believe. one of the questions that turned up was "who in this group has a quality that you most admire, and what is that quality?" the question was played as a reversal, meaning that instead of everyone writing down their answer and letting chris guess who said what, we had to write down our guesses as to chris' answer. it's one of those questions you can't really answer honestly without sounding... weird, especially not for another person. everyone guessed either graylan for his geekier qualities or anna for her socializing ones, but before everyone wrote theirs down, i jokingly stated that i *knew* christine admired me most for my ability to rant about nothing forever. her real answer: me, for my sharp sense of irony. i love chris. :)

of course, there was also graylan's brilliant "your mom" joke later in the game, when we were all asked what tile would be on our business cards and his answer was "doer of your mom"... we just about died, but we're pretty attuned to the "your mom" joke thing around here. yeah, i know it's stupid, but it's my roommates' faults, i swear.

in other news, i completely fucked up my neck while watching tremors. i was laying on my belly on a bean bag chair, craning my head upwards to see the tv properly, and half an hour later, i decided to move it a little, and bam! realized how sucky that was. whoops.

i'm going to try not to irk for awhile. those of you from #n00n that read this and care about me, please email me* or talk to me on aim (Mikazaru11) or icq (1485551).

i think today needs to be lasagna-making day, before everything starts to go bad. i also want to see amélie or together if i can convince someone to go this afternoon. i can't see the cheap shows for the rest of the weekend due to work, so today is my best bet. i might see monsters, inc. on sunday with josie if there is a noonish showing somewhere. i have to work at 2:30, yippy skippy.

maybe i'll write more and more creatively later.

* i've started getting spam on my proper email account and i know this page turns up in google searches, so i'd rather not continue to post the non-spam address. this one works fine if you don't know my regular account; i'll reply from the regular one, otherwise, use the one you know.

today the world is, i think, turning upside-down and inside-out on itself.

i just saw two birds perching in the middle of a flat wall. normal, average little sparrows or whatever. and it's a bright, sunny day in november. the third in a row.

this year is too weird for me to even imagine.

everything being kind of weird and confusing and strange and muddled and entertaining lately, i just wanted to encourage people to listen to dr. yo internet radio cos it's the shit. i don't have much else to say. i should be writing an english paper. time to go zap those words out of my head again!

It's amazing to me that, in the middle of all these data streams and distal to proximal stimuli that assault our networks and sensory systems every moment of every day, any information gets through at all. until, of course, somethingi need to get through doesn't. over and over and over again.

the sun shone brightly this crisp late autumn morning, blinding me as i walked to class. i was late--not a usual thing, but not a big deal, either. i missed roll, if she called it, but i didn't interrupt anything. i sat down next to my groupmate matthew and arranged the necessary items on the desk. shannon said she hoped we'd read the ion last night, since participation in discussion would be important. i hadn't. of course, i sat in the front row, which is where you sit if you don't want her to notice you (her words, not mine).

while my group may have thought our funny jerry springer-style dramatization of greek deities last week was pretty sweet, this week's group, presenting myths of death, was not to be outdone in the slightest. they had prepared this brilliant, witty sketch with a new myth involving indiana jones uncovering a forgotten greek god, who told his story, which destroyed indiana jones. after the sketch, it went on forever, but man, it was freakin' *tight.*

anyway, i'm going to shoot myself if we have another math lecture as boring as the one today, i am really sad that i'm not going to see jane's addiction and the stereo mc's tonight (sob! wahhh!), and i'm really tired because i only got 6.5 hours of sleep. yeahhh. now i'm at work and i should do some homework, or something to that effect. but i'm blogging. i needed to write about the sunshine, albeit briefly. it's so goddamned sunny today. it hurts my eyes. the darkness is too bright.

woo, gilmore girls is on in half an hour. that's my time with mom, err, at least my time to sit on icq and talk to my mom while we both watch the show. we used to do this, many years ago, on saturday nights with sisters, which i don't think was really as good, much as i have a vague feeling that i like sela ward, giving each other footrubs. it was mother-daughter bonding; now we do the same with something on the wb that is way, way better than anything on the wb is ever supposed to be.

what really scares me is that rory has the exact same ugly-assed uniform skirt for her snobby prep school as i wore from fifth through eighth grade at st. mary's/valley catholic. she doesn't have the nuns, though.

i made a SuperGroceryRun tonight at 5. it was dark and cold, so i wore extra layers and gloves and everything. and, of course, i brought my crappy, oversized luggage with the built-in wheeled carrier thing. i'm sure it has a proper name, but i can't remember what it is, and anyway, i don't care. it's ugly and squeaky, but it fits a lot of stuff and is *so* much more convenient than my backpack (hello, sweaty back and muscle spasms!). i hit both tj's and safeway. a large part of my bill covered ingredients for a vegetarian eggplant lasagna recipe that i want to try, double, and split with roommates and friends. i am expecting them to reimburse me a share of the cost, especially since all the ingredients cost over $20. a LOT. but it should taste good!

jana gave me the last two pieces of her pepperoni-garlic pizza for dinner. i don't usually like pepperoni, but this was good. i just needed food. jet city has yummy crust, too. probably a poor decision, health-wise, but fuck it. i had just been walking around with heavy stuff for at least an hour. i can rationalize a lot of things by saying how much i walk everywhere, and typically at a pretty speedy pace, but it doesn't really matter. i'm still a pudgy college girl who is too lazy to go do real exercise. maybe next quarter i'll get my act together and take kung-fu.

i know, i am obsessed with food. it's kind of sad, but at least food is something almost everyone can get excited about.

it just occurred to me that i didn't vote today.
*dies*
i am turning into someone i hate. i didn't fucking VOTE, exercise my civil RIGHT and RESPONSIBILITY. i am not really sure what i would vote for or against; there are few things on this ballot that i have strong opinions on (sidran sucks and i hate tim eyman, his measure dies), but that's no excuse. jesus. this fucking year... things have gotten so turned around... in my head and in my heart and soul and whatnot. i used to have principles. i used to care. i used to get fucking *angry.*

but now i'm just sad.

i used up all my words last night. i extracted them into a word document for our group paper in english. it feels like a waste, and, annoyingly enough, i have another paper due in that class friday. i don't even *have* class that day; i have to haul ass to the opposite end of campus and up five flights of stairs to shannon's office in padelford to leave it in a box. YAY.

i'm waiting for josie to get home so we can go to trader joe's. i want to get cool stuff to make a weird vegetarian eggplant lasagna. (i swear i'm not going veggie, dammit, i had a chicken salad for lunch. i'm just trying to experiment with my cooking abilities, learn to like tofu and other weird vegetarian meat-substitutes, and make stuff i can share with my two veggie roommates.)

i'm feeling a bit torn about people. feeling very distant. not really wanting anything, not wanting to explain anything... i only have so many words left some days, and i get asked stuff and have to write stuff and then all the stuff my brain *wanted* to say gets pushed awide. i'm not sure how to go about fixing this, or at least finding a reasonable compromise between other peoples' necessity for my words and my own need to massage words like toxins out of my brain for a refreshing experience. i can't have a massage all the time, and i've never been good at asking just anyone to let me have one. it seems to be the same way with writing, sometimes.

listening to faithless' reverence and contemplating a pre-tj's snack. nothing more to really say. you can email me, if you're so inclined. ask some weird questions. give me a change of pace?

i fucked it up.

if i'm crazy, then it's true
that it's all because of you
and you wouldn't want me any other way.

billy joel stuck in the head, oh yeah.

i'm working on a group paper for english. i suckered myself into doing it by not preparing some sort of in-depth analysis for the presentation itself. now i find out that it might be due tomorrow, not wednesday as previously thought, and i don't have everyone's notes. charming. oh well, it's strange how easily the words flow when i just sit down and concentrate on letting them out.

people are so weird.

last night i had an odd amount of fun, and i never even put on any clothes besides pajamas. (note: i do not sleep in pajamas, i just wear them around the house when i don't want to put on real clothes or underwear. good for sick days and yoga.) chris and i went to uwajimaya after getting sushi friday night--oh, yeah, i didn't blog about that; i'll put it later--and got pretty vegetables, tofu, and wonton wrappers.

anyway, last night we made stuff with those ingredients, as well as a few others. it was a culinary adventure, and anna was ecstatic to have two such gourmet roommates who would share food with her. chris' wontons contained a yummy stir-fried mixture of chinese eggplant, zucchini, shiitake mushrooms, bean sprouts, ginger, garlic, tofu, and random spicy stuff. we pan-fried them about two hours after we put them together, and they turned out really yummy, except that all that sitting there allowed some of the wrapping dough to stick together and form a big, yucky, uncooked wonton mess on the place. lesson number one: make wontons directly before cooking. i kind of tried to make some sort of spring roll things with vietnamese-made spring roll skins (tapioca flour, not rice paper) that turned out more like weird translucent asian burritos than spring rolls, but they tasted good. i also experimented with frying french fry-shaped strips of tofu in a sauce made out of sesame oil, rice wine, chili garlic paste, soy sauce, and fish sauce, which actually tasted pretty good, even in the ...things. the rest of the ingredients included napa cabbage, carrots, bean sprouts, and shiitakes. they were good, but... lesson number two: make something more compact for spring roll filling and use two layers of skins. or rolls them tighter. or something, because that was pretty loose and weird. like a burrito. like i said. ahem.

so yeah. sushi was friday night. we were going to go to a place called hana's on broadway that i'd read was good, but waiting for the #7 bus became too much of a burden, so we hopped on a 7x and got off in the international district. after wandering around, we went to some second-story place, i don't even remember its name, and it tasted pretty good. i got a spider roll, miso soup, and these yummy-but-weird eggplant tempura/gyoza things; chris had a eel sushi and octopus sushi, baked fish of some kind, and miso soup. though she was the only one to eat raw fish, i was the one to get sick. very sick. i haven't been that sick (i.e., puking sick) in years. it sucked and was gross and i won't go back to that place. i don't know what it was, but bleh, quite literally.

wow, it's almost four. i really should get to work on this silly paper. kk's supposed to stop by on his way back to olympia from whistler and have dinner and watch the simpsons with us and i get off work at 6:30. which somehow seems like less time away than it actually is. hMM.

wow. so brain dead. what was that... thing... i was supposed to do again... uhhh. yeah. english. engrish? no, no... uhhh. hm.