ugh, will the vividly bad dreams not end?

yesterday, i came home from class and crashed for a few hours. i slept on and off from about 1:30 until 4:30 or so, during which time i had some weird dream that i was talking to some guys in a hallway somewhere--one of them was a teacher, i believe--and, for some reason, they all managed to unsip their pants and allow their penises to escape the confines and whatnot. i reasonably reacted with, "what the fuck! what'd you have to go and whip it out for? jesus, put it away!" to which they responded something about me being uptight.

then, this morning, i had a dream that my aunt buzzed me at my apartment, but she didn't want to come in... i found out from her that my dad was outside in the car, and that he'd had a stroke. he was acting pretty normally, and he looked like the last time i saw him... although that's not a remarkably wonderful thing... but god. creeped me out. not as much as the all-night my little brother died dream, but still. i don't like to dream that my dad has some cancer-related stroke.

anyway.

had fun last night. i have been spending too much money unnecessarily, but i'm enjoying my senses in the process, so it can't be too bad... right? riiight. went out to dinner with christine. it was raining very hard, but we went to agua verde and waited something like 20 minutes to be seated before gorging ourselves on a feast. agua verde is sooo good, especially for the price. it is much tastier mexican food than most mexican places that charge twice as much, and there are more interesting options. chris got my favorite tacos de bagre (spicy grilled catfish with creamy avocado sauce and a chunky salsa that has a distinct cilantro aroma) and i tried one of the empanadas. it was stuffed with zucchini, oaxacan cheese, and squash flowers, or something, and came with a salad and guacamole and was sooo yummy. on top of that, we ordered the three side dishes plus three tortillas for $5.50 deal and picked black beans (we are both black bean fans), green rice, and the pineapple jicama salsa, which turned out to be very yummy. anyway, we were very fell and there was much approval of all the consumed cuisine as we departed.

we thought about renting a movie, but video rental places were inconveniently located. we stopped by the old harem to see if jana was home so we could use her computer to check how late odegaard was open. she wasn't home, but one of her new roommates let us in and we checked anyway. it closed at 5. fuckers. we decided to go to the ave to do some book and record browsing. of course, we first hit up second time around, and there christine found some cds she wanted, and then i bought four freaking videos. well, i got one free. but still. i am now the proud owner of volcano (hehehehahaha), rear window, this is spinal tap, and mallrats. yeeah! we went back to my place and watched this is spinal tap, which chris found amusing but hated the music so much she said she didn't think she could watch it repeatedly. hahaha.

this morning i hit up the farmer's market and bought a bunch of really yummy fresh...stuff. i don't even remember what all i bought. i know i got a little head of red cabbage, some asparagus, cherries, basil, mint, lavender, cilantro, rosemary, and snow peas. maaaybe something else i'm forgetting. then i got groceries at trader joe's and spent more than i should have, as usual, but i don't care because i will eat like a queen. mmm. god, i love food.

there are several things for which i should be saving up and several other things i'd like to drop money on. many of these could be lumped into "music." i like shows. i want to go to several shows this summer, not the least of which will be bumbershoot. i want to buy some cds. i need a new turntable since mine has apparently gone the way of the dodo in terms of functionality. i would like to get a *nice* turntable, a direct drive, that i could maybe kinda sorta fuck around with for, say... djing purposes. but those are damned expensive. feh. i need to buy a new toy and probably help out with the pillows for the living room, since we need more of them. mm, bohemian style living room until we get margot's futon. i still want to get a tattoo, but that can wait. same for a new computer, though i am thinking of just installing linux on here anyway. surely there will be other unfortunate expenses sometime in the near future i have yet to anticipate.

i should be working on cover letters and writing samples so i can print them off at work on monday and send them on their merry way to imdb.com and the stranger in hopes of getting some sort of magical internship, but feh. i think i'm gonna fuck around with my broked-ass turntable for a bit and see if i can scratch up some crappy records. heh. or maybe i will cook something. WHO KNOWS. the world is my fucking oyster.

listening: silence, but was radiohead's amnesiac cd.

wow.

sleep today was just not cool.

i went to bed a little later than i felt like (10:30 instead of 10) because i was watching the addams family for about the bajillionth time with jenny. i love that movie. then i went to bed, thinking it would be easy to sleep because i was dead fucking tired, but no! i had to have very vivid recollections of something pleasant and hug the wadded-up comforter until my arms were asleep.

then, apparently, i spent all night dreaming that my younger brother was killed by a car. my mother was beside herself. at one point, i woke up crying, thinking it was real. the dream ended with me taking a walk around the docks at budd inlet in olympia and seeing a big van--presumably my brother's--filled with and surrounded by a lot of his stuff. i knew it was his because of the record collection floating underneath it. i started yelling, "i hate you, whoever you are! i don't care if it was an accident!" because it's always easier to have someone to blame in such unhappy times, yes?

fuck, i need to go. i may ruminate on this further when i get to work, but i may bother to study instead. heh.

listening: unwound - terminus

today i woke up at 5:30, anxious that my alarm would once again fail to wake me up at 6, despite having turned the volume disc up rather high.

yes. i'll get used to it. feh. i'll get used to thursdays being the days i can sleep in, too, and then doing crazy shit and sleeping in until noon on weekends. oh, the irregular cycle, that would be so nice. but unlikely, given my history. i fall into routines and stick with them. alas.

there are pieces of the harem i have yet to see since moving out. last night was an improvement, though. jesse, jana, and graylan all stopped by, which was fabulous. jesse gave me tips for shows to check out at the paradox, jana said everyone needed to move back into the harem because her new roommates suck, and graylan amused us all with his antics. christine didn't get to stop by, but she called after all but graylan had left and made graylan leave, too, so she could retrieve her milk from his fridge (which he left open a few inches all night). everyone seems fairly busy, with schedules colliding and all that. i think that, at least for the summer, we'll have to make a habit of hanging out at my place, since it seems to be the best gathering place for people without any enemy territory (i.e., the non-haremites in #153 that eat jana's food and leave messes and don't take out the trash), so i hope we'll have plenty of time to actually do that.

things we need to do: crepe night, quesadilla night, harold and maude. i could stand to obtain more random pillows for the floor, since i don't think we're getting a comfy seating implement until my sister gives up her futon.

tonight i am going to see minority report with ed. yay for movies! everyone is seeing this movie, and almost everyone is saying that it's good. so. despite my normal cynicism with regards to spielberg and tom cruise, i relent. the storyline looks interesting, too.

i am beginning to get to the stage of emotional annoyingness that i need to have something to look forward to. bumbershoot is not soon enough! better things will surely come my way, though. not like i have time for another weekend jaunt to the bay area until about that time, anyway. i should figure out how the end of august plans to work out, though, so i can try to get people to cover for me.

i should like to talk about my new place now. we're pretty settled in, and i think i like it. it's a bit out of the way, but not wretchedly inconvenient. it's a bit too warm during the day, the blinds suck, and there aren't any screens in the windows, but those are my only real complaints. when you walk in the front door, it swings open to reveal the large living room. the table sits lengthwise along the wall nearest the door, next to the garden window. the table has a green tablecloth draped over it and sits on a large blue and white mat with a woven flower pattern. sitting on the table are a bunch of crap, a brass table lamp without a shade, the clay vase christine gave me with my dried rosebuds in it, a citrus & eucalyptus-scented candle in a small tin, and my broken turntable receiver. one speaker sits on a wobbly chair in the corner between the table and the garden window, and the other is further down the wall on the floor. both are used as small tables for something: one, the cd player; the other, a small oscillating fan. the garden window, while used to store many things, is home to hardly any actual plants. i have a sprouter with random seeds in it in the corner behind the crappy blinds, and the purple haze vine in the other top corner. below that are a few decorative empty bottles (and one full of jones fufu berry soda), a star-shaped red lamp, and my little tea set. i am sure we'll end up doing more with the window in the future.

the far wall of the living room has my tv on a small folding table and a large bookcase, full of things. one shelf is jenny's, the rest are mine. hehe. i seem to have a lot of books, cds, and videos, hmm. people tend to gravitate towards the shelves, because they like to browse collections for some reason. i do it too, i suppose. it can spark conversation, or something. next to the bookcase is the door to jenny's room, then the door to mine. those are exciting, special, *private* places, you know. actually, i just feel i've babbled quite enough about my place. if you know me, you should come visit! otherwise, now you have a vague idea what it's like inside, hope you enjoyed.

yes. today, the long day. i was too lazy to make myself a lunch yesterday (and only time to pack a peach and a clif bar this morning), so i think i'll be buying. perhaps...agua verde. mmm.

ohsosneezalicious.

my mom just told me she's considering buying a/c for her living room. all these years of my mom living--exisiting--in freezing cold as a preference, hating the heat, she never once bought a/c. she took all kinds of measures to keep the house cool, then took us to the mall. she likes things too cold for me, but i was impressed by her fortitude when it came to not breaking down and buying a/c. and now she might. sigh.

i hate the heat, too, though, for the record. this weather lately just kills me. i don't like not wanting to run a quick errand to the bank just because it's so warm that i'll sweat like crazy from walking there. i vastly prefer the gray and rain to this shit. 80 is not pleasant! (yes, yes, arizona people, i know you think 80 is just lovely compared to your usual 100s, but damn. i grew up in this part of the country. it's all relative.)

i should try to do some stats exercises now. those are such a party!

...and then my radio volume nearly matched that of the little fan in my closet, so i didn't wake up on time...

i woke up at 6:40. i work at 7. it takes me 20 minutes to get to work. obviously, i wasn't getting to work at 7. whoops.

fortunately, my boss is here in the mornings, so i left him a message that i would be late, and all was well. or something. i was about 20 minutes late. i think 20 minutes to get ready in the morning is pretty good, eh? ah, the joys of being a non-girly-girl. what are makeup? shaving? extensive grooming? nosir, shower quickly, comb hair enough to pull it into a messy bun, throw on some clothes (last pair of underwear, too, *weep!*), scarf down breakfast, and be super-grateful you already prepared a lunch for today.

besides it being hot and summery, i don't think i will have time to prepare and eat any of my just-add-water soups, which means i will have to prepare lunches ahead of time. argh. probably for the best. anything i can eat in the small pieces of time between getting off work at 10:30 and walking to the chem library building for class at 10:50, and then in the few seconds between walking from that class at 11:50 to fisheries at 12 for a few extra bites. i made a box of mac & cheese for the past two days. i eat that, some carrots, and a clif bar over those two time slots. it's enough, but it makes for an overall pretty unsatisfying lunch. i will have to come up with better lunchtime solutions in the future. and not just sandwiches! god, i get so bored of sandwiches.

speaking of sandwiches reminded me of sprouts, which made me remember i haven't watered my plants since sunday. um, doh. well, maybe i did yesterday... mom gave me her really nifty purple haze vine. aunt linda killed my rosemary and basil, or her dropping them outside her car plus my not watering them for three days because i was in olympia, duh, did the same thing. so pitiful. i kill everything i touch. remind me never to get pets or children. i am only barely responsible enough for my own caretaking. (for an even more general tangential, the implicit requirement that i cater to someone else's emotional needs is probably a major reason for the breakups in my past...)

so yeah, i suspect today will lack in the fun department, due to my tardiness and the need to do laundry. hell, i need to get change to do laundry, then i need to find the laundry room and hope people aren't using it extensively when i need to, because I'M OUT OF UNDERWEAR. that means it's time to wash, or die. i don't even know if i have quarters! i don't want to walk up to the bank and get a roll of quarters today, either. argh.

also, i ordered a dress last night. it is a light cream swing dress with a pretty red rose print. i needed a dress to wear to my cousin's wedding in august, and i liked this one. my mom liked it. aja liked it. that is good enough for me. that's $80 out of the ol' bank account, though. we'll see if it's even a look i can pull off.

ed stopped by, quite out of the blue. that was cool. always nice to have random visitors. well, usually, though with such spontaneity, i think, "whathuh!@# how do i entertain?!" so yeah. he was in the neighborhood! really! amusing. because he's moving to seattle and all. to wallingford. that's cool. wallingford is a nice place. also, it's rather near here. not quite near enough to stroll on by, but near! anything across the freeway is not strolling distance to me. strolling across the freeway isn't happy. cars don't like it because they want to stroll into the onramp, which tends to interfere with your need to stroll across the onramp, so there is a bit of a clash when the car runs into you as you cross paths. car wins.

cars always win, in case you didn't know. just look at u.s. politics.

so yeah, to sum up: today is all kinds of joy and excitement, it's 8:15 and i've been awake since 6:40, yay for blogs, up with people, down with cars, i like underdogs.

oh yes, and read winnie's blog. i always love that girl's writing. :)

yesterday, i tried to bake bread. i made this vegan whole wheat recipe--not because it was vegan, just because it sounded the simplest--with hazelnuts and raisins in it, yum yum, but i fucked up the yeast, so it didn't rise. i tried everything. i am pretty sure i just didn't do the yeast right, because nowhere could i find instructions that *said* how to do the yeast right, so i did it wrong. i found out *later,* of course. good thing i have, oh, two more yeast packets. feh. anyway, the super-dense bread is pretty tasty anyway!

i also made alton brown's "the chewy" dough. do a search for it on foodtv.com. it's good shit. very bad for you, but good shit nonetheless. i just made the dough and put it in my fridge so i don't have a crapton of baked cookies that i want to eat constantly.

today was the first day of sumemr quarter. i am working at 7am four days a week. it takes me a little under 20 minutes to walk to work. i get up at 6, shower, eat, throw some small food items in my bag that i can eat in my miniscule breaks between classes. working that early sucks, but, as my boss said, i will get used to it. heh. thanks.

my classes look okay. i don't know, i don't have a lot to say about them. i was very tired during cogpsy, so while the material typically would hold me in some degree of rapt interest, i wasn't catching most of it. the prof babbles, which i usually don't mind too much, but it is hard when the class falls at the end of my day that begins too early. ah, well.

i came home and took a nap. from about 1:40 to 3:20, i crashed. and i very easily could have gotten back to sleep at 3:20, but i decided that i should be awake, so here i am. awake. sucking on a vitamin c lozenge. i had a crazy dream about meeting some random stranger in this large warehouse store in olympia (not a real one) and we talked and he seemed kind of dumb, but i liked him for some reason. i respected him less as we got to know each other, but we became more involved. i think the dream ended with us making out on some stacks of very large, boldly colored rugs. i just wish i could have more sexual dreams that weren't involving me with someone i didn't really want to be involved with. i want the kind of dreams from which i never want to wake.

shit. listening to luna again. i swear i listen to other stuff! i was listening to fugazi and minus the bear when i started this entry!

the weather has been beautiful lately. i think i might be getting a cold, and it may be too late for the vitamin c to help, but i'll pop it until symptoms worsen, anyway.

i should do some reading or something or other. this summer is going to be odd.

listening: luna - moon palace

yes! cable is HERE! unf.

so today i need to leave the house. which means i'll spend money. oh, joy.

jenny came back last night around 1. i came home around midnight. i went to see the trachtenburg family slideshow players at the vera project with ed. that was pretty fucking cool! i went to bed around 2, and jenny's boyfriend still wasn't there. he was supposed to be. i imagine he's here now, though, or she will probably kill him, assuming the elements didn't already.

i don't have much to say. i finished fast food nation yesterday while waiting for the cable guy, and it made me want to be a vegetarian, or at the very least, seriously restrict my meat intake. i don't eat much as it is, but i should be more careful about where it comes from, who my money supports, etc. it's not an animal rights issue with me, but rather a a human rights and health. they do some nasty shit to those cows and the workers in those meatpacking plants. surely, this is something of which i already had an inkling, but then i read it. i had always avoided reading it, but i was so sucked in.

my turntable is still broken. i suspect it's the motor now. sob!

well, time to get dressed and make it a day.

listening: luna - friendly advice