when i get all steamed up, hear me shout:
'tip me over and pour me out!'

i'm on the brink of feeling like shit today. i'm ill, quite apparently, but my nose isn't stuffed up (i'm as surprised as you are; probably more, since few of you are well aware of my intimate bodily functions enough to know my history of nose problems) and my sore throat is fast disappearing. the symptoms seem to have manifested themselves as throat-clearing of phlegm that doesn't really want to escape or it would have already and general lightheadedness and feebleness. oh, and not enough fucking sleep, but i suppose that could easily be written off as a separate problem. it's so fashionable to be an insomniac these days.

basically, if i start to feel much better, i will go to karate tonight; if this continues or worsens, i'm going to skip it, much as that saddens me. it's unacceptable to be a sick karateka, though. blahhh.

i have a test at 1:30! yay! it will soon be over, only to happen again and again until there is but a final left before another quarter begins.

the weather is unseasonably nice. my current pet mental description of it is a summer morning that lingers until late afternoon, at which time the sun sets. that's a northwest summer morning, mind you--i can't vouch for it resembling the summer mornings of any other region. especially not, say, a desert area or a tropical island. y'all are just insane to begin with, doesn't matter the time of day.

people are being so nice about v-day that i don't have the heart (hah!) to be a cynical bitch and talk shit about it. some people (in person, so not just #n00n) are even saying "happy singles awareness day," god love 'em. I'M LOSING MY EDGE!! i'm too tired to be so cynical, maybe... it takes a lot of effort.

i think i will have some french toast with raspberries and honey now. mm. raaaaaaasssssspberries.

listening: me first & the gimme gimmes - over the rainbow

woo, it's official: i'm coming down with something or other. i've felt like shit all day and been busy and productive to boot! AWESOME !!!

ok, yeah. i went to bed at fucking 10pm and i'm still exhausted. i hate my body's inability to sleep properly.

i keep clearing my throat. it's unpleasant. pity me! waaaah!

dammit. i should rest and/or finish studying for psych shit. i've only got like 20 more questions on the review sheet to go through!

this entry sucks shit.

it's been a beautiful day, though, and i'm smexy (tm sammy), if you disregard the "looks tired and slightly ill" part. i guess some people go for that, though, and more power to 'em, i guess.

listening: cibo matto - stone

shitfuck, the weekend fast approaches, and there is much time and little to do. ...wait, hold on, reverse that.

my roommates laugh hysterically and applaud over strange exclamations down the hall. i know not what.

kevin has been sending me insane amounts of music over the past few days. kevin rocks. i now have some fountains of wayne, cibo matto, built to spill, and sloan, none of which i previously had somehow. (i had HEARD them before, just not really listened to an album or anything.)

i have a psych test on thursday. i have definitely mentioned this before. i also have a psych major orientation. sheesh. busy goddamned thursday. oh yeah, and it's valentine's day. haha, fuck. well, i write the haikus and i bought the froggie chocolates, so the roommates will be happy. whatever.

this weekend should rock solid. all of the harem (minus jana) is heading to the olympic national park friday night for two nights in the wilderness and josie's friend's cabin--which has electricity, but no running water--which should be pretty cool. i've gotten people to cover my shifts at work so i can go, which is even better. sunday afternoon, anna will drop reid and i in olympia, so i get to spend a whole day in that city wherein my family and old friends reside and hopefully see some of them.

i'm exhausted.

i think one of my fellow karate sports skills classmates (as opposed to a club member) might start practicing with me on saturday afternoons at the ima. that would be fabulous, since i suck and i could really use the extra practice. tonight we learned back stance and knife hand block at the same time, which was HARD, and one of the brown belts was teaching us. she did a good job, though. i appreciated that she took me aside rather than just telling me how i was doing it wrong and to watch her like our main instructor tends to do. he is fairly helpful, but i get spectacularly lost and he's just like, "c'mon! watch me! ok?" "uhh..yeah..ok..ok..wait, shit." add to that asking me to do the counting, and i'm a mess. so, learning two new things at once plus trying to do them right plus trying to concentrate plus counting in a language i don't really know equals me messing up hardcore! woo! whatever, i like it anyway. yay for karate.

i think i'm getting a fucking cold. god fucking dammit. i am taking mad vitamin c since i noticed a touch of sore throat this morning, but it isn't helping yet. kthx, body's bad timing!

i should really get back to studying now! bye!

listening: built to spill - stop the show

lyrics to "force of habit" by 20 minute loop, for aja and sammy:

i can lie here for hours while you breathe
indulging my doubts
all the dreams that escape you come to me
and burn themselves out
i am hanging from shining threads that lead
to the hands of the fates
they have dressed me in pale faced jealousy
and left me to wait
and in the morning, we won't remember
why we're finessing a way of keeping each other down
we'll stay up all night
it's force of habit
and that's not how it oughta be...
they say the night can fall too hard and you could lose yourself
and when the night returns again you'll find you are someone else
there are winged creatures who deal sleep to the bravest women
they will dive and circle over me until i give in
and if i could live this over, i'd change most everything
i would never leave myself open to anyone again...

it's tuesday. that means i want to sleep, but can't.

got poli sci exams back today. he built it up to be sooo terrible, talking about how much it broke his heart how strictly he had to grade them despite it being quite evident people had studied. i just started to feel sick, which is unusual for me, because normally tests are just handed back, or we check a score somewhere, but there isn't this great presentation of them. it's much better without the emotional buildup, especially when there's fuck-all you can do about it now. anyway, mine wasn't too terrible--better than i expected from his buildup--a perfectly respectable 3.1 overall. i can bring it up to a 3.4, i think, if i do some rewriting to fill in the missing details. that shouldn't be too hard. i'm not sure if that includes the short answer questions, though. i just hope that isn't due on thursday, because if it is, no can do. must..study..for..psych..unf!

in other news, my job now requires that i make note (via hatchmark in a box denoting time and basic type) whenever someone asks any question to people at the desk. it's annoying, but at least it's only for a week. i'm not sure who "they" are that are inflicting this new paperwork on us, but "they" are silly. whatever.

my little brother, paul, who is insane, is apparently working with some guys in youth symphony in an experimental music group that gets to jam with artis the spoonman in a couple weeks. i don't know what the deal is; paul was vague at best with the details, because he seemed to be more concerned with the instigator's foosball table and mom's fear that he was into smoking marijuana. (mom told me about that earlier, and i teased her for acting like frances mcdormand's character from almost famous: "honey, i love you. DON'T DO DRUGS!") paul is going to be one of those scary-hip kids in high school that i always kind of wished i hung out with, but never really did.

i think i had thought of something interesting to write, some way of phrasing a description, that pleased me, but it arrived as i went to bed and now i'll never get it back. dammit.

listening: the headache-inducing hum of the fluorescent lights

this morning has been amazing... other than my zoology midterm, of course; test-taking is a less-than-stellar way to spend my monday morning. it was unseasonably sunny and beautiful, but now i see the clouds rolling in... time to put on real shoes, i suppose. i wore sandals to class and while doing laundry, but i suspect that, any minute now, the real season will please stand up.

there is so much that i want to do. i look at the folds in the drapery in the window across the way and feel a deep sadness that i cannot explain.

sammy just showed me two very pretty pictures. they're huge, but you should look at them if you can. 1 2

and with that, i fly away.

listening: radiohead - electioneering (it's been so long...hello, old friends)

to, uh, clarify that last post, i was referring to the song "you are my sunshine," not the bjork song from dancer in the dark. heh. i didn't even listen to bjork when we were together.

fuck. i am trying really hard not to whine about lacking a boy--and, no, this is entirely unrelated to a certain upcoming "holiday;" i am too busy that day to give a shit, anyway--especially since i could have one but for the lack of teleportation technology. dammit!

i'm listening to mp3s currently on my hard drive (at least the ones in d:\www.three-monkeys.com\audiophileland\) at random. it's...amusing. it just went from ac/dc's "highway to hell" to brent spiner's version of "it's a sin to tell a lie." the occasional irish rovers track pops up.

fuck. fuck fuck fuck! fuck!

YOU ARE MY MOTHERFUCKING SUNSHINE. i hate things. life is so frustrating sometimes.

YOU MAKE ME SO FUCKING HAPPY WHEN SKIES ARE GRAY.
...

i have shit for timing. i keep my schedule in my head, and my head keeps me on schedule. i have an internal alarm clock that wakes me up before my actual alarm most mornings. it is always concerned with how late i am, or not actually, but rather how close to on time i can be.

fuck it, i don't want to write this right now.

i want to write about this fucking song.

i love this song, but it tortures me. like every piece of music, it has a story relevant to my life. this particular ditty is one that kk and i used to sing to each other. it was the only song he would SING to me, as much as he could sing.

i dunno.

it's just harder to hear now, which is bad.

awhile ago, when we were still talking, he told me there were a whole bunch of artists he just couldn't listen to anymore because, for whatever vague reasons, he associated them with me. he asked if i had any similar hangups; i told him no.

well, now i guess i do.

listening: bjork - i've seen it all

my roommates and i need to get to work on getting our "I (heart) The Harem" t-shirts printed before anna and josie run off to london and the harem is no more. they need to be cute shirts, but i don't know if we can get them printed in individual colors/styles/sizes depending on our needs--say we each buy the plain t-shirt we want the logo printed on, so anna could get a red baby tee if she wanted and i could get a blue ringer or something--or... i dunno. i've never had custom shirts printed. but we need to do it!

i think it would be cool if it was just in big, bold, all caps letters (think cookie italic, i guess it's called), with kind of funky spacing, plain black... it should look mildly retro. think of sleater-kinney's "show me your riffs" shirt, if you've seen that. anyway. i heart the harem, going out to all the crazy kids from seattle to moscow here in the next few months.

"Oh, Harold, do you sing and dance?"
"What?"
"Do you sing and dance?"
"Uh, no."
"'Uh, no.' I thought not."
--Ruth Gordon and Bud Cort in my favorite, Harold and Maude.

i think my body is definitely getting used to this seven-hours-of-sleep-per-night deal. i wouldn't say it's sweet, but i does free up a little time, i guess.

went to see brotherhood of the wolf last night with josie, her dad, her sister, and their family friend. actually, i kind of intruded on their whole evening, because i also joined them for dinner at the thai-ger room. they were cool with it, though, so a good time was had by all. (stupid passive voice.) the movie was amusing, if way too friggin' long. granted, what made it long were the really pretty overly-dramatic shots of prettiness and whatnot--cos it sure as hell wasn't the dialogue--and the gratuitous battle scenes that looked like they were filmed for a video game--which was actually part of the reason i liked it and found it amusing. there was a lot of nice violence, prettiness, and an attractive asian-playing-a-native-american-who-knows-kung-fu-and-sees-spirit-animals. ...YEAH.

but yeah, i was glad i only had to pay the student rate. i wasn't expecting it to be brilliant, so i enjoyed it anyway. then again, had it been in english, i probably would have hated it. not because i like hearing the french language so much, but because in english it probably would have starred mel gibson or something and made me want to barf. there are a lot of foreign films that i would never suffer in english, but they're somehow ok with subtitles.

i neeeeeeeeed a reboot. maybe i will write the essay about my weird relationship with time (as promised to winnie) at work. but maybe i iwll just study for my tests, too.

listening: badly drawn boy - once around the block